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Sunday, August 18, 2019

Two days Jax

Changed it up this weekend w/ a trip to Jacksonvilles summer series. Looking over my stat-sheet it's amazing that last summer during this same series I cashed in every single event I played. 1/1 this series also and I need to continue to just play play play and put myself into big money making situations.

I was fortunate to finish top 20 out of 650 players this tournament but I do believe I need to make some adjustments with 15-20 bb's and not allow myself to fall into the 'red' territory. I'd rather bluff off 15-20 bb then give myself card equity at the lower BB amount? **is this right?**

Came up short in the tournament playing for $42,000 *sigh*.

Jumped in a cash game afterwards (Was exhausted) as I just didn't knwo what else to do. I should have gotten directly in my car and COME HOME. What the fuck? Was a bit frustrated from the deep run and wanted to let loose a bit. Unfortunately no one around to really let loose w/ as it was Sunday and no one I was buddies w/ ran deep in the same tournament. Jumped in a cash game where it went open limp, limp behind -- I pick up AA from CO w/ $550 stack and fish in BB had $25 loaded up already in his right hand that I thought he was going to toss in.

He doesn't. Limped 4 ways plus blinds take flop 6 ways of:

Q/10/3 two-tone diamonds (We have A of Diamonds)

Old man red shirt weird vibe bets $25, asian guy with $300 stack total calls we pop it to $60 to protect our hand and see where we're at.

Original bettor flats and asian guy calls bringing pot size up to $205ish 3-way to turn of 5o.

Now -- there's so many draws out there: KJo, Flush draws, gutters. Lots of one pair hands and I felt like my opponent would raise 3/3, Q/10 and all two pair hands as the board was so wet.

Checked to me and I just over-bet slam. Better tank calls asian guy folds and river is 3. Giving me two pair. He shows 3/3 for quads.


He out played the shit out of me.

Upset at giving back what little tournament money I had profited I tuck tailed out of there.

Day off. Kill on Tuesday.

Thursday, August 01, 2019


Poker is a skill game.

Poker is a skill game.

The more I play the more I will win.

The more I play the more I will win.

That is if my attitude is neutral and I'm not being a spazzy-bitch cry baby.

Few hands recently I played poorly:

AA attempting a 2005 limp-raise and I get caught up with North Eastern Joe Sal on a Q/J/9 board where I bet flop fish called in between and joe-sal raised I insta pitched (as I already mis-played the hand pre-flop) and Joe-Sal took advantage of my passive tendencies.

I pitch Joe shows me bluff.

I need to find the big fold button and stop allowing my ego to take over in these spots. Making big folds at the end of the day/week/month truly adds up to a shit load of money. I made bad calls here:

J/8o against Pappas on the 4-board straight where he called with a gut-shot and hit it. They make bad over-priced calls and get there at times. You know it before you call and they show their hand but continue to do it. Stop it. They are bad and that's how I make a living. Make the read and go with it. He fire $200 (I also think Pappas has a tell where he values $200 despite pot-size) I called and Pappas showed J/6o.

Set of 4s against the old quiet new black man who just has that 'duh' look on his face. I also leveled myself into this one as the first time we encountered each other it was a limped pot (villian limps from SB) I squeeze from BB to $40 and get two callers. Flop: 6/6/2 dry chk I fire $60 (half pot) get a fold and then he re-pops to $120. I didn't believe he was a good enough player to take advantage of my continuation tendencies here and click-back w/ anything less than a 6. I counted out the money to call, went half way and then pitched it instead. I gave him a speech by saying, ,"You're not good enough to raise me" YOURE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

He said, "Fuck you're supposed to call me there".

Next day. Open with 44. Flop: Q/4/7 two-tone clubs. I fire 2/3rds. He calls. Turn X. I fire 2/3rds he calls. River puts up 4 straight Q:4/7/5/6 I fire $75 for value/blocker and he makes it $175. He's like NEVER bluffing here and I just don't think he's valuing two-pair. Felt like A/8cc or A/3cc. I called as I had to see it and he shows me 3/5ss for a straight. Yes, I got un-lucky. Still a spot that I could perhaps find a fold.

I'm playing a bit passive-scared and not playing 'real poker'. More so a grindey type style as money is so tight.

Took two days off and may start heading out to Tampa as there's more games there, perhaps some new walls/faces and my ego / my craziness of thinking that these bad players are taking advantage of my tighter than normal tendencies won't effect my decisions.

I must remember it's a skill game and I am a skilled player. I must find my confidence and my passion and love for the game. Poker is so much better and the money truly flows when I'm having a good time.

Soon enough.  One day at a time.

Few adjustments:

Lower my C-bet continuation bet w/ one pairs/bluffs to 25/30%. I was doing this before and stopped. Half pot is to much especially when stacks are short.

Don't be afraid to just size up pot against fish whom you know are going to call any amount and are playing their hand and not the pot-size. Players such as Chuck or the villian explained w/ the 44 hand.

I must work on my attitude and not show any weakness while losing. I cannot be a grumpy fuck-face while at the tables. Think long-term. Having the respect of the people and not being a twat is important. Remember your first trip to Vegas playing against, "stone face killer" the old man in the $4$8 game and telling Matty how you'd 'NEVER BECOME THAT GUY'. Well I am well on my way.

Stop it.

Poker is a blessing and a dream. Poker is a blessing and a dream. Poker is a blessing and a dream.

Poker is also a lot more fun when you are working on your game and working on new strategies etc. Poker is a lot more fun when learning / advancing and not just focused on the money aspect.

Soon enough.

Monday, July 22, 2019



On around a 400-500bb down-swing. Pretty standard. Got it in bad with AA on a K64 board against 64. Got it in with AK with the K of diamonds on a A/2/3 two-diamond board when opposition held J/9dd for a stone diamond for a 300bb pot and came out on the wrong end.

Lost a huge one on a Q/3/4 two spade board where opponent called off 600bb with 2/3s and a 8x bb pre-flop raise where we got it all in on the flop and she rivered a straight.

blah blah.


Tilted off a few hundred.  Got angry. Told a few people to go fuck themselves.

Been hiding in my house for 3 days.

Un-healthy life style.

Need balance.

Swings just part of it. Just stinks when it all happens in sync. Things change.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Up-Swing + things to work on

Pouring in hours. Rather than think about how many hours to play; or whether I should quit while up or down a certain amount -- I just play until I can barely keep my eyes open .. or until the games overall VPIP is down and then I get out of there. That way I don't have to feel guilty for not giving it my all. As long as I leave the card-room every day feeling as though I fought my heart out ... that's all a guy can do.

Things to work on / analyze:

**Am I over-limping from the SB/BB in straddled pots? When should I be limp/raising? What sort of range should I be limp/calling? Should I be limp/folding/trying to sneak in with a larger variety of hands? Am I over folding? Am I not opening enough from these positions during a straddle?

**How much am I costing myself chasing high hands? How much more equity do I have in hands such as KJs + broadway suited cards when the high hand is $1,000 - $2,000? When does it become profitable to play these hands differently? Or does it?

**I need to make some poker t-shirts. Few that come to mind are: "Panda" w/ a 5/2o as it's become a local legend of a hand and I know I could sell dozens of them and get a laugh. Also -- "Your mom staked me". silly shit that I could sport and make a few bucks here and there and tap into my creative side. 

All in all things are going well. Was up 1k or so last night; been bendering on Saturday nights w/ a little Addy after 10+ hours. Was playing on house monies and played a monster pot with AQo on a Q/4/5s board against a lady with 2/3s where we got all the money in on the flop when a Euro dood bet into met $60 after it went $60x5 or 6 ways pre. I just slaughtered $500 AI on flop and she overcalled with a loan straight draw on a two-tone board! She spiked a river A and it gave me Top Two ... so it stung a little bit as I thought I was scooping the 300bb pot or so. Oh well. Sooner or later will have that break through night of $2,000 -- $5,000; just have to keep plugging at it and putting myself into money making situations.

I'm paying down CC debt. I'm investing in the market and re-building my portfolio. 

Want to make sure I'm not falling for, "recency bias" when it comes to poker / losing hands. Places where this applies to me is when I"m not hitting sets or over folding mediocre hands such as A/10o and A/Jo.  Need to do some work w/ these hands. 

Grind grind grind grind. Win win win win. 


Saturday, July 06, 2019


Lost my last 5 or 6 sessions.

So hungry to play -- not a lot of time to post.

Compounded mistakes by

1) Taking to many days off after losing
2) Sitting to deep once un-stuck 300bb and then losing a monster pot with to many chips on the table.

Lost a big one with QQ vs the over weight middle-aged lady. I told myself, "I will quit when she goes broke/leaves" and she stung me.

Straddled pot. Limps. I get QQ pop it to $70. She flats OOP and we take a flop of 10/4/2 two-tone she checks I fire off $100 and change. She calls.

Turn 8o she checks I fire $225 she slams ALL IN for $521 more. I earnestly didn't think she was capable of doing this with a combo draw but it's not completely impossible. I also knew she was a bit tilted so she could have a hand like A/10 with the flush draw. 10/8 was more feasible and then I have equity. I called. Was rooting for a river 2. River: 2.

She shows me 4/4 for a flopped set. Unfortunate that we were that deep. I mini tilted off $400-$500 back and ran out of there. *sigh*

Cold cards and anxiety as of late.

Lost a double stacked pot to Steven oakley sun glasses extremely brash always calling me names guy when I turned a set of 77s on a wet board and he peeled my pot sized bet with the bottom straight draw w/ two flush draws out there on the turn and binked an off suit river card for all the monies. What can ya do? JUST CONTINUE TO PLAY WELL AND GET THE MONEY IN WITH EQUITY

My house needs a new roof.
My AC is breaking.
My car is breaking down.
I'm short on mortgage money.
I haven't taken a vacation in a very long time.
I was finding it difficult to put hours in.

Here's the thing : it's all good.

All I need to do is put my head down and pour in the hours. I am so much better than these players. What's most important is that I DO NOT ALLOW MY ANGER TO TAKE OVER ME. Don't be a piece of shit.

Take walks.


Don't call people names while losing / winning / simply don't be a bully.

Kill people with kindness At least do your best.

It's all good.

It's all good.

It's all good.

Don't allow emotions to control thought.

Make solid decisions.

Don't play scared.

Go south when to much money on the table.

Don't allow your ego to take over. It's ok to sit with 100bb's and grind. The money needs to be in your bank right now not on the green felt.

Win. Win. Win. Win.  Play two or three sessions a day. Be a casino rat. Destroy these kids!

Monday, June 17, 2019

10 days later. Data is more powerful than anyone's opinion...

Did not read my last post. Do recall bitching about money. Bitching like a little bitch. That's what females do. Men find solutions to problems. I am an alright guy, working his way to being a great man.

Sitting in my house and hermitting myself away from the world isn't a way to be great. It's simply a way to escape. Somehow in my twisted mind -- by doing the least amount possible it somehow was a win. 

It's not.

I'm feeling motivated more and more every day. Motivated to be the best fucking cardplayer that I've ever aspired to be. 

Over the course of the past 2 years ... I'm not sure how to justify it -- I simply got lazy. To make up for this past laziness I do not need to fall into the nerd-raging aderall induced freak that I was in my 20's / early 30s either. Whom knows what that chemical in balance did to my brain. The long term reprecussions and the thought of "I cannot win without it" mindset. Nobodies perfect that's for fucking sure. I do know this:

Within the past ten days I've played 40 hours 18 minutes of poker for a profit of $2,257 which = $55.99/hr. 

Over the course of the past 76 hours I've made $5,669 for a $74.33 hourly. 

When chatting with other mid-stakes regs these numbers are un-canny. 

Recently a younger kid attributed one of my local villian opponents as, "The best $2/$5 player in the country".

I scoffed.

Firstly because it's simply something that cannot be fucking measured or quantified.

Secondly ... because obviously I am. :)

Fell into a period of what I considered a zen-like state where I "Only played if I felt like it". I also wasn't keeping a poker log/tracker for over a year. It's something that I would never recommend any of my students -- but wasn't applying myself as I know that I am winning as if I wasn't I'd be homeless and 2) because scrolling over the numbers obsessively simply isn't healthy.




**This one really bothered me**

Older Black Gentlemen in glasses with blue shirt whom was super ego inflated and running a 25%ish PFR/40-50% VPIP opens from UTG+1 to $25 and it's called in between. I look down at Q/Q and decide to play slow. (what the fuck Mark) **this hand is extremely embarrassing** Flats all around bringing pot size up to $175 (yes that's how good the games are) and a flop of 10/6/4 two-tone I hold the BDFD with a red Q. Villian bets $75 into the field I click back and make it $150 (he has me covered we start hand with $800. Jamie -- pro-golfer flats **and side note we have to break down her game or prepare to play for stacks when she is in my game or just GTFO of the god-damn game. **another side note** we perform much better it seems in non-weekend games where the game is more 'proper' and bets/raises receive more resepect. Once the game becomes ram and jam I tend to become to passive as my risk of ruin is extremely high atm, my risk aversion is low atm and my gambling spirit needs to an adjustments. **these are things that will be alleviated with putting in more solid winning hours and saving money simply for poker bankroll**

Folds in-between and villian calls. 3-way to turn. Pot size: $625. Turn: Ko. Check, I check, Jamie Checks. River: 10. Villian checks. We check to get to showdown **WE'RE COUNTING TO MUCH ON BLUE LINE RATHER THAN RED-LINE THESE DAYS AND PERHAPS OUR RED-LINE COULD BE IMPROVED?** -- another topic that needs addressed in due time. ** 

*sigh* fuck. I could cry writing this. How could I let this one get away? This hand truly did hurt my heart. 

Jamie bets $35 into $625 and villian raises to $200. 

**Check raise river bluffs are extremely rare -- in fact less than say ... 2% or so** (this number completely off the topic but in a live setting they just don't exist ** <<<-- and="" are="" as="" be="" but="" competent="" div="" enough="" fold="" game="" hard="" has="" hence="" higher="" i="" increase="" into="" just="" more="" my="" nbsp="" off="" often="" on="" opponent="" pot="" pull="" river="" roof="" should="" sizes="" so="" the="" them="" they="" through="" to="" variance="" why="" work="">

My robotic poker sense immediately went off. J/10 filled. K/10 was filled. Set of jacks filled. I have A/Q blockers.......... he starts giving me a speech after I go into the tank. "Oh you haven't folded yet guy?" "What's taking you so long to fold"

The old poker adage goes, "Strong means weak".  

Most players know this. This guy was a back-yard hillbilly out here in Central Florida and I forgot myself. I laid it down. Jamie folded. He shows 4-2s for a pair and I would have taken down the $850++ pot. 

I went on to flat Aces pre again looking for a behind the belt 3-bettor. Didn't find one. Took a flop a million handed and got raised on a K/7/7 two-tone board where I wasn't aware of where I stood. Not even sure if I won or lost that session -- but I quickly tucked tail and got the fuck out of the casino. Why in the fuck am I implementing pre-flop trapping strategies in an arena that has a low overall 3-BET PFR %?  **I simply made a mistake**  

Take a second. Am I making thoughts based on where I currently stand in a session? 
Or am I making decisions because that's what I know what to do inside my inner guide poker spirit?

I was making decisions based on money. 

Yes there's a difference between 'grinding' and 'playing poker' but some of those things still transcend over one-another and applying the fundamental rules of aggression within the game of poker still apply. 

Playing passively in these spots will bleed chips; and at least I'm not punting like some young Mark fish would do. 

My sessions have been short and sweet. Over the course of these past 76 hours no session longer than 10 hours. Many 3 hour sessions. I am allowing my emotions to control whether I sit and play or not -- if I am enjoying a conversation with a player / having a laugh I will find myself playing longer. Some days... when I'm filled with hatred and angst ... I just will not sit there and play and spend my life in hours of misery. 

Money is important.

It's just not that important to me any longer. 

It will come. It will go. If I am not tapped into the Fun-Loving playing poker to the likes of which I know how-to-do .... I will not play.

If I am telling myself "Past Mark would of been really happy that current Mark is up 100-200bb's" perhaps I should call it and leave.

Problem is how in the fuck will you win 400bb's if you leave every time you're up 200bb's? It's a never ending schizmatic of should I go? Should I stay? Should I set a clock? I am in this because I want to live my life in accordance to my rules. So ... the answer? Just leave when you fucking feel like and if you lose some back don't be a pussy bitch about it. Also don't play like a pussy if you decide to play.

Either stay and play fucking properly and get the god-damn chips in the middle and go w/ your reads / apply your knowledge. 

Or rack the fuck up and enjoy your fucking life.

It's not that difficult. It really isn't.










After writing that -- and with fathers day just passing by .... I do realize that I have some ... not even sure how to define it; left-over dust in my brain with my father passing at such an early age. Almost as if within every day I'm just waiting for something negative to happen despite being a glass-half full sort of guy. Whether it's the detriment of losing a parent at such a young age; or simply life just battering me down each and every day as a gambler w/ no outside income .... I've developed a thought-process of not believing that it's within the realm of possibilities for me to truly become even more successful. As if purchasing this house and having lived the life that I have lived up to this point was the pinnacle of my success. 

It isn't. 

It's going to be even more amazing. It's also not going to happen over-night and it is my responsibility to apply the knowledge and blessings that I've received. 

I have started that process and will continue working on being the nicest, kindest but not-giving anything away at the tables guy. Inside the industry that I am in; with so many rough around the edges types and it being a zero-sum industry ... it's important that I am a light in a dark-tunnel. Kill my opponents w/ kindness and be as polite as possible while both winning and losing. 

Saturday, June 08, 2019

Back to Blogging + Back to the Basics.

Hello! It's been awhile. I find it comical that throughout my blog at times I'm writing to the reader, and other times directly writing to myself. What would Carl Jung say about this?! Who knows. Who knows if psychoanalysis is even worth while. Who knows anything? What is even worthwhile? Am I spending my time and energy in a respectable manner? Whom is to judge this? What is driving me to do the things that I am currently doing? Where is it that I'm trying to go?

Having a mother whom is a CPA and an immigrant from Japan -- money was always an extremely important topic. In fact even now when I haven't spoke to her for a few weeks her first question is always "Are you making any money son?" It's been implemented in me since I can remember. By no means am I saying that she has any lack of love or anything to that effect at all ... just I do believe it's a different sort of relationship in comparison to my complete white-boy buddies.

Money. Money. Money.

I earnestly have come to the conclusion that if I were to acquire a pocket-roll of $50,000 it would alleviate so much anxiety and stress. Unfortunately the mountain seems so high to climb these days due to these silly excuses:

1) My passion for poker is at an all time low.
2) I'm currently house-poor and have dumped off most of my liquid bankroll.
3) My over-head is higher than the current cash I have in my pocket; and for the past 24 months since my house purchase I am continually dumping off what I have for life expenses just to keep my head above water.

How do I alleviate these problems?

1) Get your head out of your ass and just appreciate the game. Play 7 days a week even if it's only for 3 hours a day. That's still 20 hours a week and on some of those days you'll find yourself having an enjoyable conversation / laugh and before long a 10-12 hour session will ensue. To quote the great Woody Allen "Half of life is simply showing up". It really is true. I have talent and even if that's not the case -- I've put in well over my 10,000 hours (Malcolm Gladwell) and poker is second nature to me. Mistakes are truly minimal these days.

2) Spend less. Save more. Work harder.

Rambling. If I start to blog again these will not be proof-read. I do believe blogging/journal ing will hopefully reduce anxiety / stress and help me find a clear mind.

I have so much going for me -- and wake up feeling alright. Just ... one would believe that I should be over-whelmed w/ joy. I have an amazing partner. I am healthy. I own a beautiful home. Yet why is it that I feel so un-fullfilled? What is it that I'm thriving for?

My sponsoring thought to those questions are this:

1) You already have what you believe you desire.
2) You just have to take more time and create this perfect world that you want to create. (This sound so cliche and secretish ... but it's true.

I am going to put in hours. I am going to make great decisions day in and day out. Slowly but surely, if I apply the money acquired into the right places -- I will slowly begin to build up another solid bankroll again. That leads to bigger games, bigger money -- and tournaments for piles of cash all in one sitting. Not only that but my ego will thank me later.

Work. Stop being lazy. Save money. Don't allow girlfriend to be a poor influence on you. Don't make excuses. No one cares more about your well being than you do -- and especially your financial state. (after writing that it felt extremely self-centered and narcissistic but it's absolutely on point)

Everything doesn't have to be accomplished in one day. Take your time and if you find yourself off-kiltered during a session remember that poker isn't going anywhere ...

Friday, May 11, 2018

Poker inspiration

Poker, along with life, is a constant learning experience. So, don't be overwhelmed with your day to day results. To the guys putting together a living from a 52 card deck; be proud of yourself. You are accomplishing something others only dream of.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018


I feel fucking good! Just getting up every day and being productive, makes ones insides go ... weeee! Yipee! I'm not even doing anything exciting ... just getting up, putting one foot in front of the other -- making a few good value bluffs, value bets, folding some 2nd bests and doing what my inner poker guide spirit tells me to do.

Almost won a 2nd ring last weekend. Got 70% of the chips in the middle total against the 2nd chip leader w/ 99 vs A/4s and came up short. I can't stand watching the cards run out these days as I've already done my work and it's simply up to the poker Gods, dealer, manifest destiny or whatever the fuck one believes in. So my theory is is that when my money goes in good, and I'm not watching the cards -- usually there's a stir from the crowd if I get sucked out on. During the 9s hand there must of been 10-20 people on the rail, and 3 players + dealer watching. Cards run out ... COMPLETE SILENCE.

I'm thinking, "I got it... I fucking to this one" ... " 70% of the chips in play with three players left. It's mineeeeee!!! Finally my 2nd ring after ten fucking years of grinding this fucking life out ... day after day...

I bring my head up to see that the first card out was a fucking A. I was now the short stack with 4 players left. Everyone in the crowd was so polite -- I can't even believe it.

Had fun. Decided to play 24 MTT's this year consisting of every multi day tournament that I'm around and 12 main events. Shouldn't be to difficult.

Picked up a student or two and have been learning a lot by teaching them. Making a few bucks to keep the lights on inside my newly (one year) purchased home. I'm super grateful for everything that is and all that a 52 card deck has provided me.

Monday, January 22, 2018

Winter Poker Open -- Jax. 2018

Day 2 on the bubble of event #1. 50 pay there's 52 left. I win a pot from the BB where I defend against Nikita and show down 57s after it's folded to her button, she opens to 11k @ 2/4k/500 (?) blind. 

Flop: :10/J/5 check she checks back. Turn X I lead she flats. River X I check she checks back shows AKo. 

Next hand as stacking chips:

Flded to button: he opens to 8,500 I make it 29,500 and Daniel 4-bets out of the BB to 75k. 

**Are the chips that I've already accumulated more important then the ones I could be gaining by racing?**

How important is a double stack going ITM?

Saturday, December 30, 2017


I need to re-wire my brain. In order to do so --I am going to attempt to:

--Write out 3 gratitudes per day
--Journaling one positive thing that happened during my day
--Random acts of Kindness which become conscious acts of kindness

By doing this I am setting the bar in my brain to allow myself to see the good in the world and all the things around me.

I am changing the lens in which I see the world.

Today I am grateful that I have the opportunity to connect to the world-wide-web and type this into a fucking computer via wordpress.

I am grateful that I have the opportunity, health, and knowledge to zip down the street and apply my trade of poker and collect chips in order to live.

I am grateful that right now, in the year 2017 there is no world war; or catastrophic events that wouldn't allow me to travel the world.

Today I am taking the first steps in changing the lens in which I see the world. I am going to be a positive person, bringing positive change to the people I encounter.

Friday, March 03, 2017

Update. Re-focus. Fresh Start.

Human-begins are habitual beings. I, personally; have begun to create some poor habits over the years. No need to dwell on those as I find myself jamming words into this wordpress box in order to set a new MSE standard.

Those standards being:

I will do light exercise upon waking up each and every day. Why? For once, not due to my ego -- but simply because it has a slew of benefits that increase my overall life long longevity and happiness. It's important. Do it.

I will log more hours at the poker tables, than I will in any online game. Why? Need I say more? My gaming hours need to include working on my twitch channel, creating a youtube travel channel or other hobby/money making ideas/things.

I will not take drugs. Explanation not necessary.

I've ground a lot. I will have to grind more. That's my job; it doesn't have to be nec. but it has to be done -- find your inner guide spirit vulcan and fucking get it done.

Your future self will thank you!

With all the love and respect one can possibly write and express to oneself,


Friday, August 19, 2016

the Age old question; when do I leave the table?

I've been struggling as of late; my hourly is at an all time low. This could be due to playing on the road, variance, poor play, lack of hours -- I'm not sure... but I do know that after over a decade long of playing Poker at a serious level I'm still struggling with when to leave the table.

I run the thought of Daniel Negreanu's, "Hours over results" into my head all the time. I, for the most part -- consistently obtain 40 hours/week of poker on a year to year basis. Problem is -- I take a lot of extended time off; and my results actually show a higher hourly when I'm playing LESS hours (30-35 hrs) I also do not obtain these hours steadily. Once Thanksgiving -->> New Year roll around; it's family/friend time and there's a lot of drinking and socializing going on. What's the point of having the fringe benefit of freedom if I don't take advantage of it?

mmm, ok -- so.... lets shoot back a couple weeks.

Was running over a $100 hourly in a week and a half span playing $2/$5 while in Oklahoma. Unfortunately -- on my last few days there I dumped $3,000-$4,000 in ONE session. Long story short there was a guy who was brain dead putting it in blind and I couldn't get the monies. Why did I continue playing? It wasn't greed -- it was that I had put myself into a profitable situation and felt that I should continue on. Problem is -- it really hurt my will to play during the end of the trips duration. I fell into a mini poker depression and went into room service/cable TV mode for days on end. This isn't healthy and should be avoided at all costs.

Currently on my 3rd day in Maryland playing out of Maryland LIVE! Booked a first good day while playing PLO; and decided to break up my day into two 4 hour sessions of hold em/plo. Well.... after hour 6 I went to dinner w/ a buddy and (I'm stacking chips in a way that I cannot tell how much I'm up or down) but had an idea that I was cruising up about 250bbish ($1,250ish bucks)

He was like, "Just keep your chips on the table the game could be real good when you get back" grinder Kram just wanted to book the win; eat some food -- and then come back fresh. The definition of, "Good" games is a pretty broad statement and I've realized that I actually thrive in situations against semi good players where I understand exactly where they are in hands and how they're speaking to me. When I find myself in these overly gambling games against fish that are spewing and calling off 20bb bets pre flop -- the pots get bloated and I'm not sure where I am.... hrmmm.... what is my fucking point?

I have a problem, the problem is that I arrived onto a new poker trip. 5 days of hotel. Plan was 40 hours/week -- play my best. On day one I was tired after drive; lost $500 -- moved tables. Was up $1,700ish... lost a few hundred back and booked an overall day of +$1,000. Great. You are what you feel... and when I'm winning... the chips truly control my emotions. I know, I attempt to be Zen like but it's fucking impossible. I've moved down in stakes in attempts to get better control over this -- but it's inevitable. It's almost that it's not even about the $$$ at times but just winning or losing. No body likes to fucking lose. No body. Show me someone whose doesn't mind to lose, and I'll show you a loser.

So last night -- take friends advice leave chips. Come back to table and get into a profitable situation AKo vs A/10s ALL IN PRE FLOP against this asian chick who straddles and I trap from BB. She hits and I lose 100bb. No biggy. Run 4/4 into A/5 on an A/A/4/2/3 four-tone club board where my opponent doesn't realize he has straight flush and just flats my river value bet. (lol) Lose KK. Mis-play QQ from button(2x) where I win tilt against asian grinder kid who I know is opening to light. Actually pick up a hand he squeezes $35 I make it $105 from btn HU A high board he checks check back turn 7 river 8 chk turn through he fires $140 river I just pitch it and would never play my hand in that manner if I wasn't being a bitch. Pay off indian guy two streets for another 100bb and end up tilt racking after a 10 hour session (playing an extra two hours 'making up' for day 1's 6 hours) and I was sleepy, getting cranky, and most def. on what I've termed Win Tilt.

Ok -- so my current solution to when to leave:

Overall goal: Make $$$.

Specific Goal: +$5,000

Plan: Play lights out poker. Apply HALT. If I find myself +$1,000 at any given time; perhaps rack up -- hit and run; and re buy into a smaller game to give myself a chance to win more -- and not lose my overall momentum and will to want to play. You can still punch out a $5,000 week buying into smaller games with 100bb. They're awful.

Putting in more hours IS PROFITABLE. IF -- I AM NOT HUNGRY. I AM NOT SLEEPY and most importantly IF I'M NOT ON WIN TILT.

When I begin to protect the win -- I'm not playing my normal aggressive game so there's not nearly as much dead money. Also giving my opponents free cards, and being taken advantage of. If I book the win, know in back of my head I cannot lose no matter what... that's the smart play. Also keeps me productive so I'm not sitting at a bar or gambling in the pit being a degenerate.

Try this. Stick to it.

Goal: +$5,000 (already $1,300 there) so +$3,700 more in 3 days.
How? Start out in hold-em. Find yourself up $1,000. Hit and run. Re-buy into small PLO game for $500. If lose buy in re-set and check hours played / HALT. If 6-10 hours played it's ok to get the fuck out of there and re-set.



also will make BAD BLUFFS rather than BAD CALLS.

Bad calls as recently:

9/10o against texas kid that dallas straddles. During my 3-4k downswing in OKLAHOMA was pretty steamy and on a Q high board he checked back button. Turn Q for a Q/Q/4/10 board i bet he raised (felt he'd bet Q on flop) and I called. (was two flush draws) river bricked I checked he fired $350 I snapped and fucker had Q/2s. Lame.

Bad call with QQ against indian guy in Maryland when I open button $140 pot checked to me on 7/7/8 board two tone. Bet $70 (win tilt to small of sizing doesn't price in draws enough nor give me enough info if they have a real hand) folded to Indian dood HU on turn of 6. He fires into me $150. I flat. River: 8 he fires $250 I tank called thinking he was taking advantage of my tight image / talking about leaving.

Can beat 5/6. Busted A/X flush draws. Under pairs etc. he showed 5/9s and peeled a gutter on a paired board. Don't mind turn call as I have some equity ... but he's never double barreling there and I wasn't playing top notch. All good.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Why am I here again? What am I doing? Where am I going?

Living a, "Go when you choose" or "Pick up and leave" when you feel the urge to lifestyle is great. In theory. It's great when things are exciting, and you're constantly on the move meeting new people and seeing new things. The problem with living like this is  -- going to new places and seeing new things requires resources. (money) The problem with meeting new people is; I in fact believe I've already met, and am with -- the person whom is the most important in my life. Not just now, but... what I hope to be, "Forever". (Re-reading it sounds so... dramatic... or pop-culturesque... though true)

I've fallen head-over-boots in love and it's taken me 5 years, 4 of them co-habitating, and a month trip to Asia to realize it fully. The saying goes that, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" or... something to that effect. Well, it does. I'm not jealous, or puppy-dogging my other-half due to being away. I have never in my life ever felt the effects of heart-sickness as I have the past few days. Just putting it from my mind to this txt has me overwhelmed with emotion. It hurts more than I can bear, and there's no logical reason for it. She loves me, and I her. I will be seeing her shortly. Perhaps when we're re-united I won't feel this way any longer; and looking back at when I picked up and started this last venture a part of me WANTED to be alone. After a week together, maybe I'll be singing a different tune. I truly hope that isn't the case. Watched a TED talks about long-term relationships which I found helpful, and the speaker mentioned that the #1 thing that emits DESIRE (not love) in a long-term relationship amongst all the thousands of couples she's helped w/ therapy is distance apart.

Making a mental note that I hope to burn into my brain that when I'm feeling annoyed, stressed, un-appreciative for the lady whom I love -- that I can bring myself back to THIS moment and feeling, t... smile in THAT moment of annoyance/frustration ... brush it off and shower her in love, understanding, appreciation and laughter. *sigh* Again, easy in theory. Though when they lady is driving you bat-shit fucking crazy ... it's easy to just run off at the mouth or fill her in on all her bullshit. We truly are two different fucking animals and I'm constantly a work in progress when it comes to the female category.

Spent two days binge watching TED talks and another point that seemed to pop up time and time again was that the happiest and most productive people keep a journal/diary. My blog has always been that for me, and I've attempted at personal journaling -- though w/o the blog aspect, and using pen/paper over a keyboard is nearly impossible. For one my handwriting is God-Awful! 2) ... my hand gets tired!

I always ponder on starting up a new blog as this blog, and (which I didn't pay and lost the domain... the content is stashed away somewhere and I need to print it out and get it re-uploaded so it's not lost) the reason for thinking of starting a new blog somewhere is that this sanctuary, was supposed to be completely anonymous. Somewhere along the way, I do not know how -- my name, and face got connected to the site. I am by no means, "a somebody" though I have ventured out into the world and accomplished a thing or two. ... *rambling* Huh? Point being this: it's difficult for me to share my deepest most inner thoughts and feelings when this blog isn't completely anonymous.


My thoughts and emotions are all over the chart recently. I feel like a 16 year old puberty stricken school girl; honestly. The only time when I can shut out the rest of the world and focus is when I'm learning something I've never had in front of me before. I'm slowly picking up the Japanese language.  I'm learning a few tricks on the stock market; and hopefully with more practice and training they can start to become lucrative.

I've collaborated with many of the most successful people that I know in my life (Mcgrath, Uncle, KCempire) and realize that ... no one's gonna do it for me. In fact, they're all to busy to truly even take the time and show me. Even if they could; could I absorb their knowledge and then apply it? Again, as I've known all along -- it's all up to me. It's me vs the world. Stop believing there's some easy will just happen tomorrow lifestyle and get back to what I know. I know Poker. Stop wasting time flinging around the globe spending $$$ and not being productive. If you are going to fly around the globe -- plan it out a little better to get the most bang for your buck.

I must remember that I CAN have my cake and eat it to. I CAN have a home and still travel the world. I CAN obtain a condo in FL and a house in Vegas. I simply just have to sacrifice for a little while to obtain it. I also have to create a clear vision as to where do I want my home to be in FL? Where do I want my home to be in Las Vegas?

Going to re-set myself; start with a roll of $10-$20k and double it. Will Zoho/Blog the progress and journal making it more enjoyable. Will enjoy the journey and not focus so much on the destination. Today, March 17th marks 37 days w/o a pill. My soul and mind feel amazing. I can sleep an entire night w/o waking up. I do not feel that irritable, itchy feeling I have while on a prescription medication that I am abusing. I believe. I have faith. I think longer term and hopefully this is the stent that holds up. It seems that over the years of functioning drug-abuse that I can only make it 3-4 months sober until I fall back into the trap. Things run smoothly for awhile until I crash and burn; and  re-start all over. I've been living this cycle for 5 years. A true, breathing... definition of insanity. That's me in the flesh!

So, Q: "Why am I here again?" that question being asked to life, and this blog. I'm here in life, to serve a higher power/purpose. What that is on a day to day basis I've yet to figure out. I've been asking/praying for that to fall into my brain, be shown to me in some way, shape, or form... unfortunately it hasn't made its way to me. So, until then... it's pretty ego stricken: make money, stay productive, love my lady. Be good to the people around me.

Q: What am I doing? Staying sober. Understanding that true happiness doesn't lay in pill-form. Also realizing that pills do not help my productivity. Not short term, not longer term. Never. 1 is never enough and 1,000 is to many. I am getting back onto the Poker-Band-Wagon. Going to re-set my financial situation, invest in some long term goals, start applying what I've learned about the market -- clean up some past investments/business things -- and get my mind 100% set on grinding out some $$$; buying a nice piece of property in the Las Vegas area, churning out a Euro roll to Jet-Set with my girl. That's the broad outlook as of today and I can build on that.

Q: Where am I going? Today and this week -- no where. I am going to stay present and enjoy my time in Japan. When I return state-side I am going to humble myself, keep expenses low in FL, set a 5-6 day work schedule and crush it. Taking a smaller investment and running it up into something. During this time I will decide if Las Vegas is in the cards for this summer... or if I want to perhaps fathom skipping the WSOP as I have yet to do this in the past TWELVE years.

Remember this: you make your bed and you lie in it. Life nor God will not give out anything that I am not willing to work for myself. As much freewill and choice that I have been granted, I have to apply humility each and every day in knowing that ... things are complex, and any number of possibilities could arise anyway.

Thursday, October 22, 2015


I've been to careful -- poker HAS become a grind.  In the past year to two years I've lost my luster for the game in general.  "Do something you love... then do it for money/a living; and tell me how much you love it?"

I do love it.  I have to really tap into my appreciation for all Poker has granted me; the places it's taken me; and most importantly -- the potential it has to really take my life to another level.  It's within the realm of possibilities that I go on a week or two rush; and my entire financial existence as far as I perceive it changes.

Poker has the ability to bring me that.  Stop believing that it doesn't.  If I continue to put myself into life-changing money situations; at some point it's going to happen.  Do not expect it -- simply believe in it; embrace that feeling -- and do the best with the circumstances provided to me.  The rest will simply fall into place.

Remember the revelation you had the other night; my life is better -- and I am an over all happier person when I truly believe in all thats Good; higher than I; "God".  I've lost that faith.  I truly do feel as that I'm regaining that feeling of hope and connection to something higher than myself.

I made amends tonight w/ a handful of people that I felt I was a little to brash towards / rude inside my local card room.  There's absolutely no excuse for me getting verbally abusive/crazy/talking insane shit while at the tables; NO MATTER HOW MUCH $$$ I HAPPEN TO BE STUCK. NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY SUCK OUT; NO MATTER HOW OUT OF LINE I BELIEVE SOMEONE MAY BE -- I WILL SHOW ULTIMATE RESPECT TO ALL HUMAN-BEINGS AND GIVE EVERYONE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

I will spread enthusiasm amongst my poker acquaintances/friends and be an inspiration to those that I speak to. Not just about poker -- but with life in general.

I will absolutely destroy people with Kindness.  Everyday.

I will pray.
I will write / journal more.
I will appreciate my life, my youth, and everything given to me with full fucking appreciation.  Every day.

I've turned into a FUCKING poker zombie -- and it's awful.  My friends and peers have noticed.  It has to stop; or I have to change paths.

Win or lose -- I've set up a good bottom pyramid block that I cannot be phased.  Everything fundamentally will always be ok.  There's no reason to sweat the small stuff.  Continue compounding good decisions; and the break through WILL happen.

My games sharp.  Continue picking the brains of the passionate winning players that you've picked out.