Sept -- losing month so far.

60 hours in.

Same old story.

Aderall bender. Burning a hole in my brain. Slept away 3 or 4 days.

Groggy.

Over the past 60 hours I'm losing -$2/hr.

I lost AQcc on a CC board vs a straight draw where Jayson rivers a set for 100bb's each.
KJo on a J high board on turn AI vs 10/10 he rivers two outter.
AA vs KK aipf lose.
Set over set vs tallahassee random kid who added me to facebook K/J/X board we get it all in he has over set.
Lose today with AQ on a Q/Q/3/2/2 boar where opponent has 2/2 and I KNEW TO FOLD BUT I COULDN'T FOR $450 MORE.
Ran AKo into KK aipf vs que
Ran AKo AIPF vs Morgan where I knew to fold.
Folded AKss improperly against the kid from Jordan where he claims JJ.

Making poor decisions because money is low and my confidence is in the shit house.

So dissapointed with myself.

Just a brutal fucked up tough fucking life. Feeling sorry for myself ..................... ugh ...........


My risk of ruin is extremely high. I have the most debt I've ever acquired thus far in my life. Not a lot of happy things to say.

Have to stay sober.
Must avoid the anxiety.
Just stay in the present and make solid decisions.

Tomorrow is a new day.